I asked myself the question::: Can I go silent focusing only the ringing. . .
Silence and Meditation is something I have been learning over the years. 2018 was a year that I did spend a lot more time with a set of noise cancelling headphones on, simply trying to avoid Barbera. ( Barbera is my tinnitus or tone that exists in my right ear)
What I have learnt is:
I am not very good at just sitting in silence. I fidget, itch my nose and generally debate the pros and cons of what fine food I will have for my supper.
However, using a relaxation cd I am able to get past the itching and food thoughts and find myself lost in a period of no thing.
Nothing or No Thing. I have to admit, I enjoy the silence.
So instead of using a cd, mp3 to get me to drift off, why don’t I see if I can use Barbera.
2 attempts so far.
Attempt 1 – This was rather interesting. I did drift off but for maybe 5 minutes maximum. I have this almost anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach though. It is tremendously odd choosing to listen to barbera. I am actively focusing on her. A real sense of overwhelm frankly.
5 mins is 5 mins. So no mp3 or cd, I take this as a success.
Attempt 2 – Hmmmm. This was interesting. The same anxiety was there. The feeling of “good god. what the hell am I doing” was right in my face. I have the pit of the stomach feeling and even the back of the throat…
Well, I am going to shout this out as a success as well. Maybe 4 or 5 goes at this. Ranging from a minute of barbera singing at me to a max of 4 or 5. Really happy with it if I am honest.
The next day as I am writing this. Today has been rather an interesting morning. I have a belief one must get up with a purpose or the day can be lost. I have to admit it was not until I was sat down after maybe an hours work I realised that “Barbs” was actually pretty quiet…
Then – boom. Barbs is back. What have I learnt… Forget about Barbs. Don’t think about her and she calms down.
This exercise of using the tone, the ringing, the tinnitus, Barbera as my focus on learning to go silent shall continue.
Also today I am going to watch some videos on youtube from an outfit called the “Higher Balance Institute”
I found them this morning after DR Google presented them to me after I put in a search for using my tinnitus tone to meditate…
Hoping to get some exercise back on track today. 3 days off all Phys. Why? I had to shift this man flu for once and all. It has crippled me and I so miss the exercise.
Onwards towards Barbera.
