This week has been a good week for work and exercise etc. It has been a shocker for the magic tune. The volume is high.
Sitting in silence is a challenge. I love silence though. I have always loved knowing “ silence is golden “
Just for me at times the silence is fucking noisy. Yesterday the tunes were just there. I did spin for 90 mins, used the headphones on noise cancelling, quiet and just effing loud. The tune, Barbera as I call her just gets louder with more distraction noises.. weird is Barbera.
Last night I buried myself in a beer and a bottle of red wine. Numbed the noise with my mate tinto and tiger.
I fell asleep. No noise. I was asleep.
Today – what a joy. Barbera is singing a horrible tune. It is just noise. I am feeling anxious if I am Honest. I am far from an anxious person. I am simply not like that yet when Barbera decides to stick her head around the doorway and “pump up the volume” well a magic bunny of annoyance, frustration and anxiety sits there in me.
What has changed? Tuesday I was in London. Used the escalators etc and survived without any dizzy spells.
Wednesday, well Wednesday, Barbara pops up… no real changes apart from I have not been to the gym in the evenings..
I am not loving Barbera today. I have a sense that I need to remove myself and escape people. Tonight I am meeting an old mate. Part of me wants to cancel but I know I can forget Barbera for a couple of hours over a few Guinness.
Today’s tune: she sits at 30 seconds on the below link.
https://youtu.be/XLvlUI58vlA
Some good stuff though today. I was inspired by MJD Smith after his 30 marathons in 30 days. Brought such a sense of fair fucking play over me. Inspiring. http://www.mjdsmith.com/
I sat in satisfaction and was satisfied and even grateful in some weird and sick way for Barbera…
She has at times made me ponder, consider and reflect on what I am.
